Needs

God allowing me to give birth and raise my two children has been one of the greatest joys of my life. I can honestly say I absolutely love being their mother and can not imagine a life without both of them. Even when they aren't physically close to me I can still hug them with my heart.

If I am so happy how did my weight balloon to almost twice the size it should be? Well, let's see...the seams on my tennis shoes started to come apart and my daughter needed school supplies; the seat of my jeans was wearing a bit thin but my son was growing out of his shoes; we needed groceries but payday was still a week away - what was the cheapest and easiest foods to fix - not the healthy foods that is for sure. I was frustrated over the car breaking down again, the washing machine broke down, the fridge stopped working right after going to the grocery store...not enough money, not enough time, not enough EVERYTHING I thought was important at the time. I kept saying NO, NO, NO to myself and things I needed because my family needed things too and they seemed more important to me. But I was saying 'yes' to myself through the frustration by licking the spoon, the bowl and the beaters! I was saying 'yes' to myself for evening out the row of brownies (so what if it was really three brownies - it was all one piece). I was saying 'yes' to myself for one more plate of food, it is a buffet and I need to get my money's worth because we are not wealthy! I got my feelings hurt at a PTA meeting; a bag of popcorn and an ice-cold coke while curled up on the couch when I get home sounds good. WHOA!!! What exactly am I saying 'yes' to. Let's see, I need some new winter socks and I don't need a coke when I stop for gas. I need a haircut and I don't need something salty and sweet the next time I am bored. When I am tired, bored, hurt feelings, frustrated....I don't need food.

What I can do is make a set of index cards with emotions on one side and a Bible scripture on the other. Then all I have to do is trust God to keep me busy while the urge to eat passes. Maybe also keep a few brain cells from disappearing by actually spending some time deep in thought. That could be a win-win situation for the whole family. The longer I can stay sane the longer my children can enjoy their lives and not have to take care of me 24/7!

"While all men seek after hapiness, scarcely one in a hundred looks for it from God." John Calvin