Yesterday was one for the records. I spent most of the day crying. This whole situation at church has been upsetting for months. Gossip - are you sure it isn't a four letter word? One of the things I appreciated the most was the lack of gossip at St. Luke's. I would love to point fingers but that would entail more gossip because I don't know for fact where the bad-mouthing originated. Anyway, the crescendo (for me) was Sunday and I honestly can not take anymore. They have managed to run off all but three of the teens. My original plan was to stay until the last man left the room, but I just can't take it anymore and it is hurting my family. It would not be right to keep my children from growing spiritually just to prove that I can 'turn out the lights'.
So, yesterday I stayed pretty true to my eating except for some no bake cookies. I did manage to tell myself 'NO' a few times and I consider that a victory. This morning I had old-fashioned oatmeal again and if I keep the brown sugar to 1 tsp. then it is 0 points!!!
The scripture and devotion lesson this morning was geared around the theme of our bodies being a temple. I have heard this many times before. This morning while I am reading, my dogs are hovering around drolling over my oatmeal. Suddenly, I realized I am better about treating my dogs bodies like a temple than I am about my own body. We try to feed them healthy dog food, rarely give them table scraps and make sure they have fresh water all the time. Why can't I be that good to myself? Today when I think I need a snack I am going to ask myself if it is necessary or just a whim. Is it because I am truly hungry or maybe upset or bored. Why is it that when my mind starts racing and I get stressed I immediately think I need food - and anything will do - well, that isn't really true either - I will keep eating everything in sight because none of it takes away the anxious or upset feeling. I can now empathize with alcoholics and drug addicts. This is why they many times find something else to obsess over.
Well, as I headed out the door I had more things on my mind than I could possible have crammed in there...the overflow must have clouded my vision because instead of carefully backing around Brian's car...yep, you guessed it...CRASH!...right into the front of his car! Ok, I always have to look for the good news, no damage to vital organs (of the car). Looks like I cracked the bumper and folded the hood a bit. Still, more money and/or stress than I can handle right now. Luckily for me Brian opted out of having me put to sleep. I did promise to stop and take a break to re-evaluate what is REALLY important to us as a family. Plan on spending the weekend cleaning the house and soul-searching.
After lunch and I still have 10.5 points left. That is good and means I can have dinner and my evening snack. Today I will make sure that both are healthy and good for me and serve some purpose other than just to fill a void!
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