1. Last Nerve - Do Not take your 'last nerve' with you to Thanksgiving dinner. There is always someone there waiting to pounce on your last nerve and you made need it later.
2. Digital Camera - Do not leave home without your digital camera. What you don't know is that your sister-in-law spent all day Wednesday in Von Maur at the Philosophy make-up counter and the hair salon - she probably bungy corded herself into a dining room chair to sleep so nothing got messed up! She may feign shyness, but is secretly thrilled to be plastered all over facebook the day after Thanksgiving - be sure and 'tag' her!
3. Designer clothing - Do not wear your new Tahari Melvina cashmere sweater, you know that somehow you will get stuck at the 'kids table' and your third cousins 8 year old 'baby' will sneeze with a mouth full of cranberry sauce while looking straight at you!
4. Grace Before Eating - This is important - read before praying!!! Whoever is going to say grace, DO NOT include every dead relatives name and those who could not attend this year - it is DEPRESSING!!!! and sends food addicts straight to the dessert table, zippity-do-dahing past the veggies!
5. Calculator - Do not leave home without this handy item if you are counting calories this year. Make sure it has fresh batteries and check the multiplication key ahead of time - you will need this button! i.e. how many calories in one piece of pecan pie if one bite is 1578 calories?
6. Keep a Song In Your Heart - Did you know there are 5 stanzas to The First Noel? Get a jump on Christmas and remember all 5 now. You know the family lunatic will corner you with their new i-phone and proceed to explain ALL the great apps - the only action your cell phone gets is making and answering phone calls...were they intended for anything more...I'm just sayin'...
7. Check facebook and brush up on family dynamics BEFORE Thanksgiving - Yes, your Aunt really is on husband #8, your cousin adopted triplets (really they are three sugar gliders from the same litter, rarely happens but provides hours of conversation material!), no that isn't someone crashing the party - your nephew got botox - who'da thunk it?, your Mom's beautician talked her into a 'new look' for the holidays - ouch! and YES, that fourth trip to the appetizer table does make my butt look big.
8. Don't discuss...- It used to be politics, sex and religion. But I have a new take on this subject. Don't try to fix anyone, don't try to control anyone, and don't do anything for anyone that they can do for themselves (why deny them the learning experience).
9. Fill Up Your Dance Card - Contact everyone ahead of time that you are looking forward to seeing and let them know how nice it will be seeing them again and catching up. This way they will look for you and be ready for a nice and mutually pleasing conversation. This will hopefully keep you away from the ones that trigger your bad behavior, send you over the edge, turn your rose colored glasses to crimson, and make your blood boil.
10. Expectations are premeditated resentments - Start your day off with a prayer, ask God to go ahead of you to the family gathering, show up with a smile and the confidence that everyone is there for the same reason...their mother told them to be there and BEHAVE so as to not embarrass her again this year!
Seriously, the holidays can be stressful because we sometimes are crammed into a home full of people we don't spend time with regularly - how many of your friends to you see more often than your family? Wear layers because Grandma's house is set for 99 degrees and mine is set at a cool 64 degrees - no good reason to pay for too much heat when a good sweatshirt can take care of the chill. And pack plenty of grace, love, patience and hand sanitizer (it is the cold and flu season) in your purse or European shoulder bag!
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