conundrum

Can I change the hard wiring in my mind? Can I change the way I see things? Can I change my first response? In the past few years I have seen a huge difference in myself and the way I view the world. Most of this came about from all the reading I do - can't seem to stay away from those self-help books and the Bible study groups at church.

One of the stumbling points for me in eating is stress...an emotional eater. So on the road to changing the hard wiring in my brain I must look at what materials are used in paving the road. What do I think I need: will-power, positive attitude, concentration, discernment, variety, ability to keep a thought in my head longer than 2 seconds. That is a good start. When I am struggling with stress I think the first thing I need to do is acknowledge the stress. One of the main reasons I head for the food is to quiet the thoughts, words, emotions. For me, I am obviously giving food way too much power! It not only calls my name, it screams, it jumps up and down, and waves it's arms frantically, it pounds on the pots and pans.... I am what I am by the grace of God. Anything good in me was put there by God. Instead of trying to quiet the hurt, pain, stress...I need to dissect it, find out what is speaking the loudest and then remind myself that not everything needs or deserves an answer or to be solved! Maybe I can simply say to myself; "I am feeling _______" and then move on.

Will-power - just knowing I can do something first before touching the food.
Positive attitude - do not give in as a first step, try some other avenue first.
Concentration - actually give the emotions some thought and acknowledge them.
Discernment - what is so appealing about my kitchen, is there another place in my home that would bring more comfort where there isn't food.
Variety - I get bored easily and need to have different ways of delaying with my emotions - change it up regularly.
Ability to keep a thought longer than 2 seconds - why is it that the things I want to remember disappear faster than fog on a sunny day, but things I wish I could forget haunt me like taxes.

Yes, there are many, many people in this world that are having a hard time right now. And there are many, many people in the world that have problems much more serious than mine. But it is ignoring my problems and hoping they will go away that keeps me in a negative cycle. I need to balance my life in a way that keeps me the wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, etc. that God wants me to be and in a way that keeps me the disciple God sent His son here to show me I can be.

Conundrum - paradoxical, insoluble, or difficult problem; a dilemma. Trying to be a better person is a dilemma and sometimes a difficult problem...but it is worth working on every day, not just for myself, but for those I love.


"A deep knowledge of spiritual things can only come by the way of unhurried reflection upon God's truth and by prayer." Merrill Unger